What Is The Meaning of My Dream?

After attending a free training under Filipina Homebased Moms last night, I wanted to get started and applied what I have learned so I can land to my online work as soon as possible.

I started getting my resume edited with Canva and I signed up under Trello. I had a stint working from home in 2015 as an online English tutor for Japanese. Here was my video introduction at that time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAjKp7T5xj4

After numerous attempts to change my career from a graveyard shift into a day shift, I finally decided that I can better perform if I dedicate my time working from home so I can be with my son. Although he is 11 years old, a lot of things happened (kindly back read from my previous posts to have a better understanding) and I can sense that he is still trying to befit with his environment. He is still a child for me and I honestly spent less time monitoring his studies and school activities recently.

While organizing my profiles and documents, I decided to lay down at around 11 PM. I told myself,
" I will just rest my eyes and straighten my back, then I will go back finishing my applications."

But what do you expect, I went to wonderland together with my son who snores fast asleep beside me. But the ambiance and feeling is so familiar as if I am wide awake. It feels like an old movie waiting for the next sequence.

I know I am in the province because of the number of trees at the backyard, definitely this is not our apartment in the city.

The house is old and gloomy although it is not that dark outside. I am suspecting that we are at my parents' house but I don't remember having wooden flooring. Maybe this was the scenario because before my son and I went to sleep, he requested if we can visit his grandparents in Laguna since February 5 is Chinese New Year which means holiday and no school day.

For the longest time, I have never dreamed of something that my husband was in it. When I dream,
I usually see my son, mother, former classmates and previous officemates. But now he was there, he seemed tired from a day's work. The setup of the house has a second floor because when my husband came home, I was looking down at him while he climbed up the stairs.

Here at our apartment, we don't have a frame for the bed and like Korean/Japanese style, we have mats and foam as our bed. But in the dream there are no foams to lay down to and just hard mats laid on the floor with our thin blankets and I don't even remember having pillows. (Old school province life it was!)

We had an argument last night before he went to work so maybe the feeling lingers to me that even during the dream I feel irritated by him that I don't want to go near him at all. As usual, he invited me to go to sleep and embraced me while we lay down to sleep.

Then suddenly the mood became scary and if you can remember the mask of the vendetta, someone who was wearing that mask or it seems like the mask of the vendetta was his actual face entered the room in a lateral flying position towards me like attacking me with his "superman-like" fist-flying position?!? I sense that someone is a different entity and I was so afraid and my heart was pounding so hard because everything was sudden while my husband already fallen a sleep.

My initial reaction was to block that entity while pushing it away from me cause I felt that a touch from it would kill me. Then I shouted, "No matter what you do, Jesus is still powerful than you!"

Then I woke up.

My head was aching of too much sleep but it was only midnight. I am shaking while I do the sign of the cross and prayed repeatedly until I went back to sleep.

I kept on waking up every hour with a throbbing head until I heard the alarm buzzing at 4:30AM.

I don't usually dream of supernatural things but when I do I always have to face these monsters or demons and it feels like real.

Whatever my dream meant, it only means that I need to have more time with God and to truly change my perspective positively. Challenging times will be always there and I can win it if I courageously face it, cut the slack and persevere more, declutter my mind and home and take care of myself as well. While I do my responsibilities as a mom and wife, I believe that everything will also follow in terms of my career as a WAHM. In due time. :)

Philippians 4:12-13

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

          This bible verse personified to me last October 20th. 

   The month of October is the month when I always feel like a candle slowly melting. This is my birth month. Every year I get to realize and get flash backs on all of the things I have done whether good or bad, weeks before my date of birth. I always feel that my time is running out. This happened since college days when I started the habit of cramming, hehe. I know I can do more but I am too lazy to move. They are all stuck in my head, full of ideas and plans because I love the capital sin, slothfulness, I have never executed well all my plans and dreams. And as if I enjoy the rush of blood to my head of accomplishing tasks in the last minute.

   This year, my mind is full of more important things than to procrastinate what I have done and what I should have done before my final days. (That's what I undergo before my birthday, as if I'm dying.)
Cause everything is smack down right in front of my face. There is no need to think about it because it is happening right now in from of me. It is my reality.

   Since Papa had his brain stroke on August 9th, my supposedly plans and "new beginnings" shattered and "I don't carrot all." I was angry. A sloth like me who is very easily distracted had a way to start over and organize my thoughts but because of carelessness, everything went back to square one and I was just trying to shove away all the worries cause those where not helping at all taking every thing one step at a time and praying the heavens that a "manna" would fall from the sky to solve my problems, literally. It was beyond my control.

   True, it was the way of Jesus and Mama Mary to shake all of our senses. They really love attention. And if you forget to pray and focus on worldly things, by all means they will make you notice them badly and drag you to church to pray. For me it is not a negative thing but it is a realization that you have to put God first in all you do. Without Their guidance at all, as a human being, your decisions will also be disorganized and the wisdom to do according to God's will all falter.

   According to Fr. Ed Villanueva, it is our God's way of making "papansin" to us. :) #iloveFrEdVillanueva
In that homily, Fr. Ed was like being the mediator of God to me and my family. Explaining why these things have to happen. Ever since my son's first communion preparation, you were there to guide us and I will never forget your words and pieces of advice. I know it is still a work in progress but hopefully the story will end for the good of everybody. :)
God knows we all have different schedules and priorities in life. I miss being with my brothers when we were kids, doing picnics in our mini garden drinking Pop Cola and eating Tomy Cornflakes all bought for only 20 pesos from Aling Mina's store. When you are adulting, everything changes in a positive and negative way. I guess it happened too fast and it was my own choice and liking but in the earlier part I got stucked in the 90's and I wanted to slow things down when I felt and realized everything was too hard for me to handle.
Weird but true, we were happy in the hospital when Papa was confined because we are all together.
If Papa doesn't have a speech defect and unstable blood pressure, you would think we were there just for a staycation.

Because of this, I have to get my son. Mama is a senior citizen and we do not want her to get sick, too. She has to prioritize my father's recovery. This is a wake up call for me to stand up to my obligation as a mom and parent. It was truly about time for Miguel to be with us. For us to be together as family. To be mature and not to be lax when making decisions cause we only have each other to solve it and to endure it because this is my family that I choose to build. #iloveyouMiguelMarcel

   This time, no more ways to easily go home and seek help to my family and relatives. And due to this, I cannot put into words all the sacrifices my Mama have endured for the sake of taking care of us all every single day. #iloveyouZenaidaColitoyCaspillo
I will never be a housewife material like you do. You know my temper. You should be rewarded more than you think you deserve for all the things you do for your family, relatives and friends. I always pray for your health cause I am still in the process of making "bawi" to you. I am not yet done and will never be done pampering you this time. It is your time to shine and to relax, you know. :*

   For you Papa, you stubborn, corny, irritating you. No matter what happens and what I say, you know that I am always be a Papa's girl and it truly breaks my heart seeing you like this. All I want is for you to recover fast and I'm happy that your speech is understandable now than before. But you have to do your exercise or walks. Stop watching TV all the time. The treadmill is on its way if you are lazy enough. Please stop the Smoking jokes that you have cause it is not funny any more. A week before you got star-stroked I argued with you about smoking since you know we do not have the means to have such emergency but you did not listen to me. This time please listen and change your ways. #iloveyouGeronimoBattuingCaspillo
You have to enjoy your pension now that you are 60. We will still sing When I'm Sixty-four and I did not forget that I have not made your Jesus Christ Superstar Tshirt, okay.

   Miguel asked me one day, "What gift do you want on your birthday, mommy?"

   Honestly, I cannot think of any material thing cause all I have in mind is to have a day shift job. I couldn't ask for more but to have a healthy body and mind, Miguel to be healthy and comfortable with his new school and new environment, Joseph to be on a stable job for years with healthy body and mind as well and for me to be productive and continue to pay the bills and save for the future.

   After the long wait and numerous applications, after me doubting myself what wrong did I do this time, after my allergies and scratching maybe due to stress and unhealthy eating habits and poor hygiene, after loving chicken-wow so much with it's crispylicious, juicylicious skin, I got a response on the 20th of October that my morning job application is progressing. :) And as I speak, I am going to start on November 6, 7 AM. After that, I was able to attend the general assembly of The Storytelling Project last Saturday. I need this activity for myself and well being. It has been a while since I volunteered and spent my time for something with a good cause. We have finally visited our house in Calamba after a month. Papa is just waiting for his pension and Maro becoming a licensed Mechanical Engineer. Meeting the cutie Mallows of Leevan and Analyn with the sumptuous Caldereta and forever wow chicken cooked by Analyn, Jejekh helping me whenever I am in need although when we were kids, Leevan and I used to tease you gravely until you cry cause "di ka namin bati". I will forever be grateful to you. #iloveyouMarkLeevan #iloveyouJohnLeejekh #iloveyouLeeMargo

Things will never go my way most of the time cause I know Jesus and Mama Mary has a purpose and They always know what is better for us. They will always send angels, challenges and blessings to ease our pain, make us strong and comfort us, yes, you are one of our angels here on earth, Ate Cynthia. #iloveyouAteCynthiaManlaviRay
You too, Analyn. :) #iloveyouAnalynLlave

And for my aunts and uncles who we are forever in debt to:
#iloveyouTitaLevy #iloveyouTitoBok #iloveyouTitaNeneng #iloveyouTitaBeth #iloveyouTitoTom #iloveyouTitoDonnie #iloveyouTitaFely #iloveyouTitaLeni

Now I truly understand the words of wisdom you have always been nagging about, literally!
So kids, they are all being said to you by adults not just to be hassle or kill joy but because they have experienced it first hand and they wanted the best for you as you get older. It will truly help you cope up with life. Yep, I am getting older and in turn saying these words to you. :)

I honestly received more gifts than I had before that I believe I do not deserve and the ones I am truly surprised and forever grateful for. I will never forget my promises. Just please be more patient with me. :) Soon, it is pay back time. :)

Cheers to those 33 roller coaster years of my life and thank you for the 34 years and counting that you have remembered and took time in celebrating with me while I was doing my pre-employment medical. #MoreFiberstoavoidFollowUps #WalkathonToRemember

Good Fight! Good Night! :)

My First Voting Experience

#PHVote2016

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. 

Indeed, especially if it is during an Election Day. I know, I'm already 32 yrs. old and this is the first time for me to exercise my right to suffrage due to the following reasons:

• Mismanagement of authorities that my registration documents had to be reprocessed while I was in Abra for our college thesis

• Lack of interest since my schedule was upside down during my BPO (Business Process Outsourcing) years that I preferred to sleep and do other things than register to vote.  

  So, after venturing to other careers, I was finally able to find time, rather I had a lot of time to visit our organized City Hall, therefore, I had finally completed my registration and biometrics and hopefully I'll get my actual Voter's ID soon! 

As a first time voter, I prepared myself by being informed about the dos and don'ts imposed by the COMELEC (Commission on Elections) and knowing each candidate based on their portfolio, moral acts and actual public service. And I firmly believe that those candidates I have selected today truly deserve the position they are running for and that they will greatly lead the Philippines, one step at a time, to a positive and a progressive change. I felt it as I look at my Voter's receipt. I'm glad that I did not encounter too much hassle compared to others, or else!

Now I also understand the reason why others choose not to vote. No matter how we try to modernize the equipment being used during elections, we still have the same old low tech and unorganized system. Sir/Ma'am, please do not forget that it should also be included in the advancement of things. No one or nothing should be left behind. Little things take for granted are the things that can pull you down or slow you down in the course of life. Be it in terms of personal or career goals. I know this first hand in many ways and situations. Since the choices I made have dictated the life I'm living now. 

I have said before that I wanted to be a Senior Citizen as soon as I can but in a scenario like this, I wanted to be a Super Senior Citizen. I pity them when the system plays them around and makes them feel helpless. My mama is a senior citizen and she was eager to vote. Instead of seeing guides or a map upon entering the school assigned to our barangay, we have to check the posted list of voters on each classroom that shows our polling precinct number. 

Lo and behold! Her name was not on the list under her precinct number. We asked some officials and confirmed that they don't have an access via computer to easily search our inquiry. There was a section for PPCRV (Parish Pastoral Council for Responsible Voting) where you can manually go over the paper copies of all the voters’ names. We confirmed with our family friend that her name was also missing and she found out that it was included on a different precinct number. I was thinking maybe, since my mother recently became a senior citizen, COMELEC, decided to transfer her on a different polling precinct number together with other Senior Citizens without even sending any notice, great! And to my surprise, she was! I left her to the “new” polling precinct assigned to her.

So, off I go and I went to my polling precinct upstairs. There was also a man who had the same situation. His children's names were listed except his wife's and his name. He approached one of the BEIs (Board of Election Inspectors) and went through the paper master file list they have. He was also not on the list, therefore, the man wasn't able to vote and he was upset that he has to waste his time searching where his name got listed.

A vote missed, a vote wasted.

While I was waiting for my turn, I prayed that everything will go smoothly and be followed as planned when my moment comes. 

This is the outline version of what had happened to me:

• Presented voter's slip and SSS ID
• On the list outside the polling precinct I was #62
• Confirmed that I am #82 on the master list
• Signed across my name and logged my name on a separate bond paper that looks like for attendance purposes, there was one for the Males and the other one noted for the Females
• Got my ballot, folder and marker
• Sat on the chair close to the window farther to the ride side of the room
• Took my time in shading my bets cause I don't want to get any error messages or other excuses
• I wanted it badly that my vote will be counted!
• A bit ticked off when someone tap her folder on my table while I was writing, excuse me!?
• Ha ha, I was able to contain my emotion cause I was focused on what I was doing
• The VCM (Vote Counting Machine) had a bit of an attitude like an idle time or lag time error every after 2 ballots were fed. It was like wanting a continuous feeding of papers to its mouth
• Finished! I had the same feeling when I was taking an exam in school and I know I have given my all to answer every question, didn't under or over vote (I have all the time, chance and power in my hands now not to put it into waste or let the moment pass by for nothing) and I am satisfied whatever the result will be because I know that my participation in this event will be worth it
• Asked the BEI the next step
• Went forward to the VCM to feed my ballot
• Praying it will take it smoothly
• Gave back the folder and marker
• Allowed the VCM to take the paper instead of shoving it to the feeder resulting to paper jam or possible errors 
• Surprised when I got a message on the screen that my “time has expired” while the entire ballot is going through the feeder and the BEI assured me that it is okay
• Waited for my voting receipt
• Voila! It showed completely my selected candidates, I'm a happy kid/voter inside
•  Got inked, He he, but I felt I was up for a manicure and presented my 2 hands to the BEI, she inked my left forefinger instead of the right looking like my nail has a smudged eyeliner after crying blue tears
• Folded the receipt and inserted it on the black receptacle box
• Went outside the polling precinct and looked for my mama (No time for Selfies or what not, I did not go there for a photo shoot, I went there to vote!)

While I was looking for mama, the number of voters in the school doubled! It pays to be early indeed! I also saw my friend in line & I asked her if she saw my mother. She said that there were some inconsistencies in the master list that my mama went towards the PPCRV to get assistance. 

True to that, I saw my mother exhausted and disappointed. She confirmed that her name was not on the masters list on both the “new” and previous polling precinct numbers assigned to her and the BEIs advised her to go back and forth for her to find out the real score. She has arthritis on her knee joints and this charade made it distressing for her. 

I’m not sure how COMELEC save or update their files, if they have 2 separate files for the list outside the polling precinct and the ones they use before you are allowed to vote. Should it be identical in the first place? My father's name was included on the list and my mother is using the same last name. How come it was not there? Was it accidentally deleted together with the other registered voters whose names were also missing? Oh man, the endless what ifs. Well, instead of bidding for the shirt/uniform/other paraphernalia, I’m grateful that it was fortunately cancelled! It could have been beneficial for all of us if you have spent your time organizing your files to end this inconvenience especially to Senior Citizens and Persons with Disabilities. It could have greatly changed your image for the better without even spending a lot, if that was your only main concern.

Well, a vote missed, a vote wasted, again.

At the end of the day, I can say that all is well. Let us continue on praying because it has not ended yet until the proclamation day of the victors. At this time, I am opting out to watch newsfeeds about violent happenings in other regions and delaying tactics. (I’m thankful we do not have these kinds of nuisances in our place)

Thank you for your guidance, Jesus and Mama Mary.

God bless the Philippines.