I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
This bible verse personified to me last October 20th.
The month of October is the month when I always feel like a candle slowly melting. This is my birth month. Every year I get to realize and get flash backs on all of the things I have done whether good or bad, weeks before my date of birth. I always feel that my time is running out. This happened since college days when I started the habit of cramming, hehe. I know I can do more but I am too lazy to move. They are all stuck in my head, full of ideas and plans because I love the capital sin, slothfulness, I have never executed well all my plans and dreams. And as if I enjoy the rush of blood to my head of accomplishing tasks in the last minute.
This year, my mind is full of more important things than to procrastinate what I have done and what I should have done before my final days. (That's what I undergo before my birthday, as if I'm dying.)
Cause everything is smack down right in front of my face. There is no need to think about it because it is happening right now in from of me. It is my reality.
Since Papa had his brain stroke on August 9th, my supposedly plans and "new beginnings" shattered and "I don't carrot all." I was angry. A sloth like me who is very easily distracted had a way to start over and organize my thoughts but because of carelessness, everything went back to square one and I was just trying to shove away all the worries cause those where not helping at all taking every thing one step at a time and praying the heavens that a "manna" would fall from the sky to solve my problems, literally. It was beyond my control.
True, it was the way of Jesus and Mama Mary to shake all of our senses. They really love attention. And if you forget to pray and focus on worldly things, by all means they will make you notice them badly and drag you to church to pray. For me it is not a negative thing but it is a realization that you have to put God first in all you do. Without Their guidance at all, as a human being, your decisions will also be disorganized and the wisdom to do according to God's will all falter.
According to Fr. Ed Villanueva, it is our God's way of making "papansin" to us. :) #iloveFrEdVillanueva
In that homily, Fr. Ed was like being the mediator of God to me and my family. Explaining why these things have to happen. Ever since my son's first communion preparation, you were there to guide us and I will never forget your words and pieces of advice. I know it is still a work in progress but hopefully the story will end for the good of everybody. :)
God knows we all have different schedules and priorities in life. I miss being with my brothers when we were kids, doing picnics in our mini garden drinking Pop Cola and eating Tomy Cornflakes all bought for only 20 pesos from Aling Mina's store. When you are adulting, everything changes in a positive and negative way. I guess it happened too fast and it was my own choice and liking but in the earlier part I got stucked in the 90's and I wanted to slow things down when I felt and realized everything was too hard for me to handle.
Weird but true, we were happy in the hospital when Papa was confined because we are all together.
If Papa doesn't have a speech defect and unstable blood pressure, you would think we were there just for a staycation.
Because of this, I have to get my son. Mama is a senior citizen and we do not want her to get sick, too. She has to prioritize my father's recovery. This is a wake up call for me to stand up to my obligation as a mom and parent. It was truly about time for Miguel to be with us. For us to be together as family. To be mature and not to be lax when making decisions cause we only have each other to solve it and to endure it because this is my family that I choose to build. #iloveyouMiguelMarcel
This time, no more ways to easily go home and seek help to my family and relatives. And due to this, I cannot put into words all the sacrifices my Mama have endured for the sake of taking care of us all every single day. #iloveyouZenaidaColitoyCaspillo
I will never be a housewife material like you do. You know my temper. You should be rewarded more than you think you deserve for all the things you do for your family, relatives and friends. I always pray for your health cause I am still in the process of making "bawi" to you. I am not yet done and will never be done pampering you this time. It is your time to shine and to relax, you know. :*
For you Papa, you stubborn, corny, irritating you. No matter what happens and what I say, you know that I am always be a Papa's girl and it truly breaks my heart seeing you like this. All I want is for you to recover fast and I'm happy that your speech is understandable now than before. But you have to do your exercise or walks. Stop watching TV all the time. The treadmill is on its way if you are lazy enough. Please stop the Smoking jokes that you have cause it is not funny any more. A week before you got star-stroked I argued with you about smoking since you know we do not have the means to have such emergency but you did not listen to me. This time please listen and change your ways. #iloveyouGeronimoBattuingCaspillo
You have to enjoy your pension now that you are 60. We will still sing When I'm Sixty-four and I did not forget that I have not made your Jesus Christ Superstar Tshirt, okay.
Miguel asked me one day, "What gift do you want on your birthday, mommy?"
Honestly, I cannot think of any material thing cause all I have in mind is to have a day shift job. I couldn't ask for more but to have a healthy body and mind, Miguel to be healthy and comfortable with his new school and new environment, Joseph to be on a stable job for years with healthy body and mind as well and for me to be productive and continue to pay the bills and save for the future.
After the long wait and numerous applications, after me doubting myself what wrong did I do this time, after my allergies and scratching maybe due to stress and unhealthy eating habits and poor hygiene, after loving chicken-wow so much with it's crispylicious, juicylicious skin, I got a response on the 20th of October that my morning job application is progressing. :) And as I speak, I am going to start on November 6, 7 AM. After that, I was able to attend the general assembly of The Storytelling Project last Saturday. I need this activity for myself and well being. It has been a while since I volunteered and spent my time for something with a good cause. We have finally visited our house in Calamba after a month. Papa is just waiting for his pension and Maro becoming a licensed Mechanical Engineer. Meeting the cutie Mallows of Leevan and Analyn with the sumptuous Caldereta and forever wow chicken cooked by Analyn, Jejekh helping me whenever I am in need although when we were kids, Leevan and I used to tease you gravely until you cry cause "di ka namin bati". I will forever be grateful to you. #iloveyouMarkLeevan #iloveyouJohnLeejekh #iloveyouLeeMargo
Things will never go my way most of the time cause I know Jesus and Mama Mary has a purpose and They always know what is better for us. They will always send angels, challenges and blessings to ease our pain, make us strong and comfort us, yes, you are one of our angels here on earth, Ate Cynthia. #iloveyouAteCynthiaManlaviRay
You too, Analyn. :) #iloveyouAnalynLlave
And for my aunts and uncles who we are forever in debt to:
#iloveyouTitaLevy #iloveyouTitoBok #iloveyouTitaNeneng #iloveyouTitaBeth #iloveyouTitoTom #iloveyouTitoDonnie #iloveyouTitaFely #iloveyouTitaLeni
Now I truly understand the words of wisdom you have always been nagging about, literally!
So kids, they are all being said to you by adults not just to be hassle or kill joy but because they have experienced it first hand and they wanted the best for you as you get older. It will truly help you cope up with life. Yep, I am getting older and in turn saying these words to you. :)
I honestly received more gifts than I had before that I believe I do not deserve and the ones I am truly surprised and forever grateful for. I will never forget my promises. Just please be more patient with me. :) Soon, it is pay back time. :)
Cheers to those 33 roller coaster years of my life and thank you for the 34 years and counting that you have remembered and took time in celebrating with me while I was doing my pre-employment medical. #MoreFiberstoavoidFollowUps #WalkathonToRemember
Good Fight! Good Night! :)
