THE RIGHT PERSON

i can totally relate to this!..wooh!....

A nice article for the married, soon to be married, and waiting to bemarried... Food for thought and in the words of Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ:THE RIGHT PERSON?During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,"How do I know if I married the right person?"I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "Itdepends. Is that your husband?"In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it'sweighing on your mind. Here's the answer.EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love withyour spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and likedtheir idiosyncrasies.Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was acompletely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DOanything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it'shappening TO YOU.People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about theimagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standingthere; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's thenatural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone callsbecome a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome(when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,drive you nuts.The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if youthink about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic differencebetween the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or evenangrysubsequent stage.At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marrythe right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoriaof the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience withsomeone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame theirspouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage forfulfillment.Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity isthe most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, afriendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. Itlies within it.I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someoneelse. Youcould. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the samesituation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'SLEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVERjust happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make"it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor oflove." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specificthings you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with yourmarriage.Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity),there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exerciseprogram makes you physically stronger, certain habits in yourrelationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause andeffect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... not just a feeling.