2025 is Transformation Era!

Howdy y'all! :)

Half of the year already. What's up, Beck?

2025 you said is Transformation Era for the better. I guess, I am getting there.

But why did I dreamed of you last night? If you know how to interpret dreams, kindly message and send me the interpretation ASAP!

What I remember about the dream was "he" was there, like a crazy freak. In an old house but not familiar to me. We do not own it, cause I smell the air of renting it for quite sometime. Seeing his crazy eyes, like a mental person, seems like it is hard to know what will be your next move.

They said to interpret a dream, remember how you feel during that scene.

I feel afraid at first, cause I am clueless what he is up to. What does he want from me? Why is he here at my place? I kinda miss him or maybe just his presence. He was moving all over the house like a turning top. And the feeling of being taken cared of, like what he usually do before, that was the scene, he is like walking on eggshells so careful not to piss me, not to do anything wrong but it annoys me that he can't stay in one place, adult ADHD at its best.

There is another scene, there was a thin frail boy around 8-10 years old. I don't know him, no motherly love connection. I feel he was a neighbor's son but he was always inside our house, trying to find something to eat. Miguel was not in the scene. There was also a feeling of hunger and there was no food maybe that is why my ex-husband smells like anxiety, he does not know where to get the food for me and for that thin frail boy. 

From the kitchen, I went to the living room and saw a lot of older men. Do we have a party? A celebration that I did not know of? So, where is the food for the visitors? I am already getting irritated. I do not know these folks and who invited them? Ha! Maybe the old geezer. Now, I am angry.

I went back to the kitchen and it was so messy, an eye sore. But when I approach the dining table, the thin frail boy was slump on the table looking dead! Oh my goodness! Where is he?!? What did he feed this thin frail boy?!? What will I do?!? Panic attacks.

The scene changed and I cannot remember how I ended lying on a bed at night, our current bed here at the condo. Miguel is here sleeping, at first I thought I am awake already, just suddenly woke up due to a bad dream. But when I turned towards my right side to continue sleeping, someone hugged me from behind and it was him again! The same feeling when he used to hug me like that. So at first I felt afraid cause of the flashback of the dead kid in the kitchen and Miguel was there sleeping. How did he enter the room? Now I realized that it is another dream but it felt so real. Maybe, I was just missing how to be hugged like that and imagining it so much felt real, I slowly brushed off the feeling about that dead kid, I just want to feel his embrace. It felt warm and safe. I did not attempt to look back to see his face.

Then I woke up for real. It has been a while since I had a dream with him with an interaction like that.

Is he thinking of me? Or am I thinking about him too much it entered my subconsciousness as a dream?

I don't want to know his whereabouts now. I am not interested. 

Beck, remember, he knows where and how to send help but he does not sends any help.

You are not going to help him again. Let him learn his lesson on his own. You have done enough.

I have not directly told his mother what had happened, and I saw her viewing my Facebook Story. Maybe that is also embedded in my subconsciousness. 

So just come back to reality, Beck. There is a lot of work to do. I know it has been five months however there are more important things to focus on. More better opportunities. You want that kind of hug? Maybe not now while no one is around. Be contented with hugs from family, friends and from Miguel. 

You are wrecked but not a home wrecker. Some thoughts to ponder. Intentionally remove yourself in situations that will disrupt your routine, your mindfulness, and your finances. Just one step at a time.

Yes, I missed again seeing the concert of JR Richards, that is fine, there will be another time, if it is meant for you, it will come to you. There is no hard in trying. You did try to save up for it but it was not enough for the meantime, you know your priorities, right? Those italic words came from two of my previous inspirations. They have their own lives now and I see it is also getting better. So, why am I stuck in a loop? Why do I keep coming back to these bad habits and mentalities?

This is the reason why I am writing it down. To remind me.

I believe I have to declutter also my Spotify Playlist for better vibes. Music is the only medicine I take ever since I have gone through heart breaks. Some songs are not helping any more for me to heal and it just brings back memories, thus, me being stuck in a loop.

You will never find it, if you're looking for it... True love will find you in the end... Let it be...

No Regrets

What is the worst situation a person can experience?

A moment when you feel safe and you let your guard down knowing you are with people who will protect and respect you but at the end of it all, your vulnerabilities will be used againts you and the only thing you can do is to stay still and do nothing until it ends. 

Then question yourself, "Is this the will of God? Is this a temptation from the devil? Is this a test? Shall I go with the flow? Will my actions ruin every thing? Am I a glitch in the system?

And remember your mantra, that the choices you make dictate the life you live. You in a way did this to yourself, it was your choice. But now that you are aware of the situation and process, you can learn from mistakes and know better.

No regrets because the experience will make you wiser, more cautious, you did not die and nothing was taken from you. It was still a blessing in disguise because the truth was revealed and it is still in your favor.

Now, let go of the toxic people in your circle and recognize and cherish the ones who are always there for you, who love and care about you in good times and in bad times. 💚🙏

Just Leave It Here

#38

#Sunday

#October30

#IFeelOldAndWeak

#HaveToBeYoungAndStrong

The Confession of a Sufferer

This is me for so long. Placing my faith, hope, and love to the LORD is the thin thread that keeps me hanging. Mama Mary bring peace inside of me, to my family, to my community, to our country and to the whole world.

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I said, “I will be careful about what I do and will not let my tongue make me sin; 

I will not say anything while evil people are near.” 

I kept quiet, not saying a word, not even about anything good! 

But my suffering only grew worse, and I was overcome with anxiety. 

The more I thought, the more troubled I became; 

I could not keep from asking: 

“Lord, how long will I live? When will I die? Tell me how soon my life will end.” 

How short you have made my life! 

In your sight my lifetime seems nothing. 

Indeed every living being is no more than a puff of wind, no more than a shadow. 

All we do is for nothing; we gather wealth, but don't know who will get it. 

What, then, can I hope for, Lord? 

I put my hope in you. 

Save me from all my sins, and don't let fools make fun of me. 

I will keep quiet, I will not say a word, for you are the one who made me suffer like this. 

Don't punish me any more! 

I am about to die from your blows. 

You punish our sins by your rebukes, and like a moth you destroy what we love. 

Indeed we are no more than a puff of wind!

Hear my prayer, Lord, and listen to my cry; come to my aid when I weep. 

Like all my ancestors I am only your guest for a little while. 

Leave me alone so that I may have some happiness before I go away and am no more.

Psalm 39: 1 - 13 GNTD

The LORD is my Spouse

 To all barren woman, single by choice, single at the moment, be inspired and believe and feel that you are not alone because the LORD is your spouse. 

Choose hapiness and contentment. 

I was thinking, if I read the book of Isaiah before, I would have chosen things differently. Reminiscing about my choices back then. 

Now, I am also laughing my heart out because the LORD lead the way to where I am now, who I am with. I am always grateful and it will always be a mystery how You move into my life, O LORD. I love You and thank You for being You. 💚🙏😘

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“Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,” says the Lord .  “Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.  For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities.  “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.  For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.  The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit— a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God.  “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.  In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord your Redeemer.  “To me this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth. So now I have sworn not to be angry with you, never to rebuke you again.  Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord , who has compassion on you.  no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord , and this is their vindication from me,” declares the Lord .

Isaiah 54:1‭-‬10 NIV, Isaiah 54:17 NIV

https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.54.1-17.NIV

New Normal For Others, The Future I Was Dreaming

Howdy y'all! ☺️

March 19, 2020:

Since I have recuperated and I have more time to do what i want at home due to the enhanced community quarantine, I wanted to share my thoughts and activities and document it digitally so by the time I have to remember and reminisce i'll just watch this video. 😁 Championship

During college I was with my friend riding an LRT i think it was our "OJT" days, we talked about seeing ourselves someday having a kid and being a mom, no particular partners in picture, we just wanted to be a mom.

Well, indeed be careful what you wish for because it comes with great responsibility and you have the power to make or break not just a routine or achievement but a life, from birth until end.

Being mommy is hard, tiring, fun, very emotional for me, exciting, full of hope and fulfilling. I hope I can be a good mommy, who nurtures, teaches and comforts.

May 12, 2020:

A sister, an aunt or a mom's care and understanding, a confidant, an expert support. Those were my experiences towards nurses who took care of me whenever I got hospitalized and colleagues at Legato whenever I needed products and procedures assistance. I'll be forever grateful. What you do for a living is pure dedication and faithfulness in little things. Keep the faith and that "malasakit" in you. And I'll do my part as well to make all your sacrifices worth it. #StaySafeStayHome #weareinthistogether 

My Updated Playlist:

The World's Best Pocket Fairy Tales From Nido

Bliss

Since September 14, 2019, I was attending an Adobe Photoshop Training in Ortigas, Pasig. We had a lesson about how to make a movie poster.

As a movie enthusiast like me, I had difficulty choosing which movie should I personalize.

I asked my husband what will he be doing since we're together on this training and he said jokingly that he will create his own movie poster.

Well, that was a great idea!

The reason for getting into this training aside from the fact that we are already personalizing T-shirts, is for me to enhance my skill in editing photos and be certified with it.

As much as I wanted to star in my own movie, the pictures that I have at hand, does not look and feel cinematic. So, if I were to see a movie, I would choose the movie with my favorite actors instead. I remembered that Joker with Joaquin Phoenix will be showing October 2019.

Although I loved Joaquin since "Gladiator" days and when I saw the "Inventing the Abbotts", my all-time favorite Joker character is Heath Ledger on The Dark Knight.

That is why I decided to use both of them on my movie poster activity.

My Tribute to Heath Ledger and Joaquin Phoenix as Joker. May we find the truest sense of bliss.

Today, October 3, 2019, my husband treated me on a movie date. (^_^)
We were reminiscing when was the last time we went to the cinemas since the dawn of Netflix at the comforts of our home. The last movie we saw together was Kita Kita (2017)!

After getting some snacks, I advised him that we have to be inside the cinema in time for the trailers and when we arrived it was just us and a mother and daughter tandem climbing up the stairs slowly but surely. Before the trailers and announcements started, a few people only joined us for the 4:00 PM show.

Well, this blog is not meant for me to tell you in detail what I saw because I highly recommend that you see it for yourself!

I wanted to confirm that we cannot compare The Dark Knight Joker with it because they are totally different with a totally different plot and scenarios. Like what I have responded on one of the tweets I saw about Heath as the best Joker ever, watching Joaquin Phoenix as the Joker will never replace or forget how Heath Ledger portrayed the role, it is a chance for us to look at things on a different perspective.

And when you look at things in a different light, you will be more open to changes and improvements that hopefully will benefit you more for the good than before. No doubt, the acting expertise of Joaquin was a masterpiece, naturally executed in the light of a person who lived a tormented life.

I realized after watching the movie that it all starts in the family. Although we cannot have a perfect family, I believe in reality, God will always show the way for us to find a family that we can consider as our basic support system outside of our homes through friends and professionals as long as we consistently pray in whichever religion one may have, then to admit to ourselves we needed help, and to seek, meaning attempting to find, ways on how to receive help or cure from others.

If all else fails, the system, the government, based from experience, there will always be someone or a mediator who is willing to open their arms or ears, who can give their time to be the voice of the voiceless.

I always pray that I become a part of the solution. And for me, communicating with my loved ones and having a Bible Plan are a few of the ways I use to muster all the courage that I must have daily. I am almost done reading, "Words Matter" by LoveGodGreatly.com

When Arthur said in the movie that his life was a comedy, I had flashbacks when I was in college during our theater class. A comedy is a play characterized by its humorous or satirical tone and its depiction of amusing people or incidents, in which the characters ultimately triumph over adversity.

This is the comedy I wanted for all of us "Arthurs" out there, so we can always put a happy smiling face in spite of it all. :)  #virtualhugsandkisses for the meantime.

Overall, the movie is all our money's worth. The 70's/80's vibe is my favorite and the shots, angles, minimal effects taken were at the right time and at the right place, they were necessary! Those where done not to compare with past movies but so we can understand during that era how things work that maybe until today, even with all these technologies, we still haven't made any advancement on our approach to people like Arthur that is why we still produce and meet Arthurs any where. I love the original soundtrack and I already found it on Spotify. There was a confusing part for me at first after the subway scene with all that adrenaline rush but later I understood why he has to dance it away. #InsanelyClassic

October is my birth month and reading my past blogs revitalizes me. Although I am still a work in progress, I am truly happy and contented now. #Cheers #Halflife