Howdy y'all! :)
Half of the year already. What's up, Beck?
2025 you said is Transformation Era for the better. I guess, I am getting there.
But why did I dream of you last night? If you know how to interpret dreams, kindly message and send me the interpretation ASAP!
What I remember about the dream was "he" was there, like a crazy freak. In an old house but not familiar to me. We do not own it, cause I smell the air of renting it for quite sometime. Seeing his crazy eyes, like a mental person, seems like it is hard to know what will be your next move.
They said to interpret a dream, remember how you feel during that scene.
I feel afraid at first, cause I am clueless what he is up to. What does he want from me? Why is he here at my place? I kinda miss him or maybe just his presence. He was moving all over the house like a turning top. And the feeling of being taken cared of, like what he usually do before, that was the scene, he is like walking on eggshells so careful not to piss me, not to do anything wrong but it annoys me that he can't stay in one place, adult ADHD at its best.
There is another scene, there was a thin frail boy around 8-10 years old. I don't know him, no motherly love connection. I feel he was a neighbor's son but he was always inside our house, trying to find something to eat. Miguel was not in the scene. There was also a feeling of hunger and there was no food maybe that is why my ex-husband smells like anxiety, he does not know where to get the food for me and for that thin frail boy.
From the kitchen, I went to the living room and saw a lot of older men. Do we have a party? A celebration that I did not know of? So, where is the food for the visitors? I am already getting irritated. I do not know these folks and who invited them? Ha! Maybe the old geezer. Now, I am angry.
I went back to the kitchen and it was so messy, an eye sore. But when I approach the dining table, the thin frail boy was slump on the table looking dead! Oh my goodness! Where is he?!? What did he feed this thin frail boy?!? What will I do?!? Panic attacks.
The scene changed and I cannot remember how I ended lying on a bed at night, our current bed here at the condo. Miguel is here sleeping, at first I thought I am awake already, just suddenly woke up due to a bad dream. But when I turned towards my right side to continue sleeping, someone hugged me from behind and it was him again! The same feeling when he used to hug me like that. So at first I felt afraid cause of the flashback of the dead kid in the kitchen and Miguel was there sleeping. How did he enter the room? Now I realized that it is another dream but it felt so real. Maybe, I was just missing how to be hugged like that and imagining it so much felt real, I slowly brushed off the feeling about that dead kid, I just want to feel his embrace. It felt warm and safe. I did not attempt to look back to see his face.
Then I woke up for real. It has been a while since I had a dream with him with an interaction like that.
Is he thinking of me? Or am I thinking about him too much it entered my subconsciousness as a dream?
I don't want to know his whereabouts now. I am not interested.
Beck, remember, he knows where and how to send help but he does not sends any help.
You are not going to help him again. Let him learn his lesson on his own. You have done enough.
I have not directly told his mother what had happened, and I saw her viewing my Facebook Story. Maybe that is also embedded in my subconsciousness.
So just come back to reality, Beck. There is a lot of work to do. I know it has been five months however there are more important things to focus on. More better opportunities. You want that kind of hug? Maybe not now while no one is around. Be contented with hugs from family, friends and from Miguel.
You are wrecked but not a home wrecker. Some thoughts to ponder. Intentionally remove yourself in situations that will disrupt your routine, your mindfulness, and your finances. Just one step at a time.
Yes, I missed again seeing the concert of JR Richards, that is fine, there will be another time, if it is meant for you, it will come to you. There is no harm in trying. You did try to save up for it but it was not enough for the meantime, you know your priorities, right? Those italic words came from two of my previous inspirations. They have their own lives now and I see it is also getting better. So, why am I stuck in a loop? Why do I keep coming back to these bad habits and mentalities?
This is the reason why I am writing it down. To remind me.
I believe I have to declutter also my Spotify Playlist for better vibes. Music is the only medicine I take ever since I have gone through heart breaks. Some songs are not helping any more for me to heal and it just brings back memories, thus, me being stuck in a loop.
You will never find it, if you're looking for it... True love will find you in the end... Let it be...
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